Don’t tell me it is not! If you think so, you have your head in the sand.

I have seen it all to often in my life and those of my clients.  Here are just a few examples of poor communication:

– You may communicate a request in an abrupt, harsh tone because you just had bad news… which leads to the other person thinking you are mad at them, which makes them upset and leads to a downward spiral.

– Who in your life do you not speak the whole truth to because you think they don’t care or they don’t listen anyhow?  Overtime this becomes a habit and the relationship will start to deteriorate, whether it be in business or otherwise.

You are aware of some of the costs in your world, however, there are some that you are not aware of and they become your blind-spots and impact your health and your wealth.

Here are a few things you can do to avoid the communication breakdown:

1. Notice your thoughts, feelings and judgments. Those are yours! They are based on your experiences, which are different from the other person’s experiences.
2. Be curious; be in a state of wonder. So often I see people just assuming and not asking questions, which means you can be completely off base with your perceptions. If that is the case, you can be making up a completely off base story that sends the relationship down south.
3. Be willing to ask questions with the intention for a win-win. I know it takes some balls, but you can do it. Otherwise what’s the cost? The benefit of willing to ask questions is you get see where the other person is at and how they see the world.

This actually happened to me recently. I created a nick-name for one of my international students, which was Duck. This lead to a very interesting conversation. I told them why I was thinking of calling them Duck, and what a duck was in English. Then ‘Duck’ told me what it meant in Chinese… a male hooker! Now a person may see that as a compliment or derogatory. I’m sure you are getting my point. 🙂

When you are willing to have the necessary conversations, it can bring a whole new understanding between you and it can bring you even closer, creating a stronger relationship…whether it is at work with staff, management, an intimate partner or a friend.

Remember this for next time: Rather than assume, ask some curious questions.